Advice found on the internet

Handling your father’s death:

Learn to cope by remembering that even though your father’s physical presence is gone, the relationship you had with him still exists. It lives on forever through you. The experiences you shared and the talks you had are always there. Hold tight to your memories, good and bad, and keep the relationship alive despite his death and physical absence.

Read more: How to Cope With a Father’s Death | eHow.com

I think that one of the things I fear the most is forgetting the experiences and talks. I lose more and more of my memory every day. I think that’s why I wanted to start this blog. If I write everything I can remember now, before the memories fade, I will have a tool to help me remember.

Sundays at the diner

How many memories will come up unexpectedly in the next year?

I was working on our new website tonight. It’s been in the works for far too long and I need to get it launched before I send out the June mailing. I’d been working steadily for about an hour, when I decided to see if there were better pictures of myself and Rick to add to the site.

I opened Picasa and started scanning all the photos on my Imac. That’s when I found this picture of my dad.

It was taken Sunday, December 13, 2009. I thought back to what was happening in our lives then.

Earlier that spring, we had made Dad move down from his home up north because he had been scammed out of his entire bank account and needed us to take over. He just wasn’t rational about his supposed sweepstakes winnings and kept sending money to scam artists. He was just too old to live alone on the beach, and we all agreed — and convince him — that we wanted him to live near us in the few years he had left. I found him an apartment a few blocks away. We soon had him moved into his new digs, and he was a regular at the diner located just down the road.

Rick and I went to the diner most every Sunday. Sometimes we picked him up, sometimes he was there ahead of us, sometimes he came in while we were eating. He really enjoyed his breakfasts.

I am sure I remember this particular Sunday. He was there when we arrived, and we sat in the booth right next to him, instead of crowding into his. I slid down the huge adjoining booth to get close enough to talk, because he was hard of hearing and I didn’t want to shout.

Wow. It all came rushing back so fast! How can I remember something from nearly 3 years ago so clearly.

He will never be gone. His spirit is still with us, in our hearts, our minds, and our memories. I feel like I can still talk to him, because is presence is so strong. I just wish I could hear him answer me, one more time.

 

Dad with Brandon

I came across this photo when I was scanning pictures for the funeral. I just love this, partly because how cute it is showing the two “baldies.” But also because it shows my patient dad just waiting for the cuckoo clock so he can amuse the grandchild. I think it gives a glimpse into my dad’s personality, don’t you?

One week

Last Saturday we buried my dad.

As soon as we left the cemetery, Rick and I went home and packed to go up north. I thought I would be swamped with memories when I first saw the house. After all, Dad had lived there until we made him move down to an apartment nearer to us. But I really felt the loss more on the trip up to the house.

I pictured being about 10 years old, or younger, sitting in the back seat with him driving the family up north for vacation. I remembered seeing the scene through my 10-year-old viewpoint. My brother sat next to me in the back seat, behind my dad. My mom was in the front passenger seat. I remember looking over the seat through the front windshield at the highway ahead. I also remember feeling that we were a family, a happy family, and our vacation was ahead of us.

The pain this memory caused was tangible. How many years ago was that vacation? How many decades? More than I care to remember. I only know that the time seemed to flash by in an instant. And now I was making the same trip up north that we had so many times. Only today it was after burying my father next to my mother.

Time goes on. But it takes some getting used to.